Edouard Bastarache Inc. on thu 1 may 08
NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA:
1. Bring your own house.
2. If you are going to the Oil Sands, bring your
own house, school, and hospital.
3. If you are going to Edmonton, wear your flak
jacket.
4. If you are driving to Edmonton, note that it
is also the auto theft center of Canada.
5. If you are bringing drugs, head straight to
Fort McMurray, the drug capital of Canada.
6. If you are looking for work, look no
further. Minimum wage is $5.60 per hour.
7. If you work downtown, note that parking
costs $5.00 per hour or more.
8. If you are able to buy a house in Edmonton or
Calgary, why not spend the money on a 15 year
holiday.
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. Alberta has
the highest gas prices in Canada [The Alberta
Advantage].
10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years
ago we had 7.
11. In Calgary the population has exploded.
The last road was paved 12 years ago. Calgary is
a no parking zone.
12. Remember when Roy Rogers etc. were beating
the Indians? Well it's payback time. They own
all the Casinos here.
NEW CALGARY RULES OF THE ROAD:
1. You must first learn to pronounce the name
correctly -- it is: 'CAL-GREE'. The second 'A' is
redundant.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon.
The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm.
Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and
ends on Saturday night.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways
is 130 kph. On the Deerfoot 500, you are expected
to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for
a landing at the airport. Anything less is
considered 'Wussy'.
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned
elsewhere. Calgary now has its own version of
traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the
loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the
trucks with the biggest tires go second. However,
Calgary, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms
ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you
will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's
another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous
in Calgary . . .Detour barrels are moved around
each night to make the next day's driving a bit
more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
more new construction starts everyday.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as
drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, deer, barrels,
racoons, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded
tires, poop, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows,
and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9. In Calgary, 16th Avenue, TransCanada, and 'Hwy
#1' are all the same road.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on,
wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them
know it has been 'accidentally activated.'
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving
110 in a 80-90 kph zone, you are considered a road
hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly.If
you return the flip, you will be shot.
12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear
your parka, toque, fur lined mittens and mukluks.
Make sure you have a shovel, food, candles and
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the
city streets is virtually non-existent until the
spring thaw.
Hey buddy, is it the same in Ottawa???
Gis revido,
(A la revoyure)
Edouard Bastarache
Spertesperantisto
Sorel-Tracy
Quebec
http://www.pshcanada.com/Toxicology.htm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30058682@N00/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/potier/20321056/
http://perso.orange.fr/smart2000/livres.htm
http://myblogsmesblogs.blogspot.com/
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