Mildred on tue 1 jun 10
Subject: Recycled--but still amusing
MONDAY=3D20
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was =
=3D
having sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the =3D
family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any =3D
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then =3D
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and =3D
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the =3D
mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.=3D20
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, =3D
saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'=3D20
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TUESDAY=3D20
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the =3D
preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned =3D
fine sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use =3D
profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five =
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thousand dollars in the offering plate!'=3D20
The preacher said, 'No shit?'
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WEDNESDAY=3D20
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little =3D
angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his =3D
rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just =3D
feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a =3D
large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'=3D20
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
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THURSDAY=3D20
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her =3D
92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and =3D
ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, =3D
killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of =3D
murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.=3D20
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could =3D
screw, he could fly.'=3D20
=3D20
FRIDAY=3D20
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we =
=3D
put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, =3D
years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. =3D
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and =3D
none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our =3D
drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous =3D
of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me =3D
what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after =
=3D
eating it?'=3D20
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row =3D
raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'=3D20
SATURDAY
SSATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the =3D
Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old =3D
blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful =3D
sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently =3D
to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very =3D
first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy =3D
girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked =3D
over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I =
=3D
lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only =3D
50?'=3D20
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'=3D20
=3D20
SUNDAY=3D20
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As =
=3D
they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the =3D
process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She =3D
showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. =3D
'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they =
=3D
no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your =
=3D
old goats?'=3D20
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!=3D20
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