Edouard Bastarache on sun 24 apr 11
These are not dirty,,,
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer =3D
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. =3D
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my =3D
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a =3D
seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his =3D
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed =3D
by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. =3D
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter =3D
to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right =
=3D
now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the =3D
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, =3D
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy =3D
watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you =3D
ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary =3D
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up =
=3D
and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and =3D
continued writing the report My mother said if I ever needed help I =3D
should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. =3D
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you =3D
please tie my shoe?'=3D20
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in =3D
front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, =3D
was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you =
=3D
got back there?' he asked.=3D20
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of =3D
the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to =3D
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon =3D
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old =3D
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I found =3D
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced =3D
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and =3D
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. =3D
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you =3D
shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next =3D
morning..'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our =
=3D
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar =3D
wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead =3D
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured =3D
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the =3D
disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers =
=3D
and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his =3D
father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and =
=3D
into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)=3D20
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. =3D
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I =3D
can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated =3D
as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of =3D
the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an =3D
old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out...
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I =3D
think it's Adam's underwear!'=3D20
=3D20
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