Cullen, Jim on fri 23 jul 99
Reminder...this is sent in jest with tongue firmly implanted in cheek.
Please don't take offense. If you don't like the humor, just delete and move
on with life. CULLEN
This was clipped form a STUPID E-MAIL WEBSITE fully intact...no editing.
A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read,
"Smell of baked bread may be health hazard."
The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread.
The main danger,
apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down
ozone (I'm not
making this stuff up).
I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread- induced
global warming?
Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go
after Big
Bread?
Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make
anyone think
twice....
1: More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
2: Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below
average on standardized tests.
3: In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the
average life
expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably
high; many
women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and
influenza
ravaged whole nations.
4: More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of
eating bread.
5: Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as
little as one
pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats
more
bread than that in one month!
6: Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of
cancer,
Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.
7: Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
given only water
to eat begged for bread after only two days.
8: Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items
such as butter,
jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
9: Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than
90 percent
water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over
by this
absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding
person.
10: New-born babies can choke on bread.
11: Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That
kind of heat
can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12: Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
significant
scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread
restrictions:
2: No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
3: A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills
we might associate
with bread.
4: No animal or human images, nor any primary colours (which may appeal to
children)
may be used to promote bread usage.
5: A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers. Please send
this e-mail on
to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.
Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.
F.Y.I. I recycle and try to eat healthy food. I've even been know to eat a
piece of bread now and then.
KEEP CENTERED
Jim Cullen
Naperville, Illinois
Ron Roy on sat 24 jul 99
Dam it Jim - didn't I tell you that anyone who comes to visit us has to put
up with the smell of baking bread every morning - now you've ruined
everything - R
>----------------------------Original message----------------------------
>Reminder...this is sent in jest with tongue firmly implanted in cheek.
>Please don't take offense. If you don't like the humor, just delete and move
>on with life. CULLEN
>
>This was clipped form a STUPID E-MAIL WEBSITE fully intact...no editing.
>
>
>A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read,
>
>"Smell of baked bread may be health hazard."
Ron Roy
93 Pegasus Trail
Scarborough, Ontario
Canada M1G 3N8
Tel: 416-439-2621
Fax: 416-438-7849
Web page: http://digitalfire.com/education/people/ronroy.htm
Christopher J. Anton on sat 24 jul 99
R O F L !!!!!!
Thank you, good sir, for sharing that with us. I can see now that I have
sinned grieviously by developing my own sourdough starter and baking bread
in the presence of my only child. I repent!!!!! (I have started a 200 year
plan to eliminate bread baking and consumption in my house. Being as coming
off an addiction can be physically traumatic, I have chosen a non-linear
schedule to enable me to slowlly get used to the reduction. I will reduce
my total bread dependency by 1% over the first 150 years, then by the 200th
year I shall be neither baking nor eating the Vile Substance!
- Chris ;)
Martin Howard on sat 24 jul 99
A Great Slice of Bread, Jim.
How many potters also bake bread?
I do, and find it a very natural extension of the potting art.
I always use Earthenware Clay, a good red brown from the Potteries area
of England.
I always bake brown bread.
Connection?
Martin Howard
Webbs Cottage Pottery and Press
Woolpits Road, Great Saling
BRAINTREE
Essex CM7 5DZ
01371 850 423
araneajo@gn.apc.org
Alex Wilson on mon 26 jul 99
In a message dated 7/24/99 3:27:09 PM Central Daylight Time,
araneajo@gn.apc.org writes:
<< I always use Earthenware Clay, a good red brown from the Potteries area
of England.
I always bake brown bread.
Connection? >>
Yes, Martin - it's the deadly iron oxide from the clay soaking into your skin
and then being transferred to the dough. You might want to send a slice or
two of your bread to an independant testing laboratory, just to make sure
you're not deliberately poisoning the unknowing consumer. :)
On another note - a while back you mentioned using ash as a flux constituent
in some ^01 or ^1 glaze tests; any results?
Domestic earthenware seems pretty rare over here in the 'states, nothing like
the range available in the U.K. Of course at Wetheriggs we used lead
bisilicate in all our glazes, and amazingly, none of our customers ever came
back complaining of the dreaded lead poisoning which is, apparently, an all
too common occurence over here in the Colonies.
Perhaps a difference in diet - not eating enough iron-impregnated breads, hmm?
Six Slices a Day is the Well-Balanced Way! Balance being the solution to so
many problems, innit?
I hope to come over there sometime soon to sample your wares, both leavened
and unleavened.
TTFN,
Alex, The Scottish Potter
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