Cullen, James J. on fri 3 sep 99
Here's something to ponder over the Labor Day weekend. Have a great holiday
everyone.
Hell & Logic:
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
Chemistry mid-term:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need
to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities.
(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.
(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan
during my Freshman year that "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep
with you," and take into account that fact that I still have not succeeded
in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A grade.
KEEP CENTERED
Cullen
Naperville, Illinois
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