Alisa and Claus Clausen on wed 2 feb 00
------------------
Jessica,
It is nice to have the first baby, any baby.
I think you do not have to plan out exactly how to keep your identity
while being a good parent. They are not separate people. Your identity
as a good parent has everything to do with the person you are now. It is
an extention of your identity. I do not believe that anyone is only a =
mother,
or only a potter, or only a diva.
My child has indeed changed our lives. There are many, many stages
for children, and they continuously spring forward out of the last stage. =
Each
stage
supports the next. Babies do bring changes. I think it would be a mistake =
to
try to continue
=22business as usual=22 after your baby arrives. That child becomes a huge =
thread
in your
pattern and it makes for a very colorful, complex pattern. You will not =
have to
actively integrate baby into your life or make a whole new identity for =
yoursel,
abandoning your =22former=22 identity. Baby is not a long lost uncle from =
Marakesh
coming to live with you. It will all simply fall into place. You will not
remove the
last brick from under yourself, but place many more in your house.
In my opinion, there are also many good reasons to get a babysitter and do =
the
things that baby cannot or should not be a part of. Those are parts of your
identity without baby are still hung together with your new role as mother.
But that is not to revisit the person you were, but to celebrate the
person you are now, which includes being a mother.
As for your studio work. Babies do not mean that you have to stop your
studio work. Babies mean that you have to prioritize differently and
organize your time well, to best serve your needs and your baby's. These
priorities and organization of time will change as much as your baby's
needs and habits change. In the beginning, you will be happy for 15 minutes
in the shower. An entire day will go by, and you have not had that 15 =
minutes.
But the baby ate, and slept and ate and got changed a few times, and slept
and did something for the first time and bathed and ate and slept. As time
moves on,
your baby will have a schedule that you can (sometimes) figure on.
You can work in your studio time around your baby's shedule. As that =
schedule
changes
again and the baby is a bit less dependent on you, you can work your baby's
schedule into your schedule.
I do not personally think a ceramic studio is a good place for a baby or a =
small
child.
The obvious equipment dangers and dust, chemicals, etc. I found that when =
my
child
reached five, she could accompany me to the studio, but it was absolutely =
not
the same
of course, as if I was there to do only my own work. A child will want to =
do
what you are
doing (that is good) and will need your help. As much as you want to help =
and
encourage
the child to be creative, a day at the studio with a young child is not at =
all a
day of your own concentration and work. Rewarding, but not necessarily
productive for you=21 As the child
learns the process, he will be more independent.
I have not =22sacrificed=22 my identity of then to be a mother now. I =
willingly
put some
of the focuses of that idenity aside to make room for motherhood. In the
beginning, motherhood takes up a lot of minutes and hours. Some things are
very difficult or impossible to return to once a mother. But they are few I
think.
I like to think of my role or identity as a mother as the =22all weather =
silk
umbrella=22
over all the other pieces of my identity. Some parts of one's identity are
actual and some
parts are like dorment layers due to past experiences. They may or may not
become actual again, but the identity marking is there forever. For =
example,
when I
became a mother, I was no longer a seaman. That was a big chunk of my life =
that
that I would not return to. I was a potter because I had the skill, but it =
was
not
actual because I was not potting. I was a mother because I cared for a =
child
and I
was a secretary because that was my work. Of course one's identity can be
as simple as what one chooses to call oneself. I see it more as a lifetime =
of
experiences,
skills, emotions, situations,etc. All there, but some forward and some =
dormant,
all
or some taking different places in our priorities and the reality of our =
lives
(albeit due to necessity or desire).
I am confident that in a short time after learning your child, you will =
manage
time at the studio.
People will tell you everyday about your child =22enjoy this now, because it
changes fast=22.
That it does, and I am happy to report that each change brings it's new
joys, fascinations, frustrations, growths, wonders, prides and much more.
As far as your =22identity=22: I guess there are many facades to yours, and
they all do not disappear into one singular that is called a mother.
That is a lifelong extra (special) part of the whole.
Best regards,
Alisa in Denmark
PS. My prespective for writing this is from a mother that stayed at home and
worked later when the child was older. I had access to child care but =
rarely
used it. In retrospect, I think it is a good idea to take some evenings out=
as
the rule
not the exception. Encouragement goes so far when father helps. I found =
that
although I was at home, a father's imput gives an addition 100 precent =
positve
influence for the child. I was much to much =22I'll do it=22 even though my=
husband
offered. Encouragement goes so far. I should have said to my husband =
=22you did
a great job=22 and tighten the diaper again when he was not watching.
Now there are so many things my daughter does with father that I could not
have done with her.
Enjoy. Keep it simple. There is really so much to say.
-----Oprindelig meddelelse-----
Fra: Jessica Klauzer-Zimmerman =3Cjklauzer=40yahoo.com=3E
Til: CLAYART=40LSV.UKY.EDU =3CCLAYART=40LSV.UKY.EDU=3E
Dato: 1. februar 2000 20:32
Emne: babies and the studio
----------------------------Original message----------------------------
I was wondering if any of you moms and dads out there
had any advice about keeping your hands in clay with a
new baby to take care of. I am due to have my first
child in March and am concerned about not being able
to continue working, for it is truly an important part
of my life. Also, and in general, how do we maintain
our sense of identity as people while morphing into
good parents? I really find a sense of grounding and
happiness after a day in the studio, and during my
pregnancy I have had to give it up temporarily, but
really want to get back into the studio as soon as I
am able (and baby is willing to accompany me). Any
and all advice would be greatly appreciated . . .
especially if you do your best to assuage my fears
about this whole thing=21=21=21 :)
jessica
=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F=5F==
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