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mug exchange/hurt feelings

updated sat 16 feb 02


Joyce Lee on fri 15 feb 02

Karin said:
I was or am under the impression that this is a forum where experiences =
shared, good or bad and was under the impression that we react as =
If it were only so ....... but I fear that only Thee and I react =
thusly.... and sometimes I wonder about Thee.

The truth is that most times our humanhood is a greater predictor of our =
reactions than our adulthood. We ALL get hurt when criticized, although =
given enough maturity, we may recognize that such hurts are often =
outweighed by the opportunities to grow, which luckily often evolve from =
our hurt ..... but first we must swallow the hurt before moving into a =
growth stage. I would like to think that I've moved into a Noble State =
of understanding myself and others, and thus am able to be a willing =
receptacle for criticism, recognize it for what it is, use it or discard =
it, and move on. Not so. Sure, I ask for criticism often .... and am =
grateful when a friend is willing to respond honestly .... that is =
indeed a true friend..... but I would not want open, unbridled criticism =
from someone I don't know and who doesn't know me .... such personal =
awareness will temper that criticism into an acceptable, non-hurtful =
format ..... thank goodness.... because we do need to hear the truth =
when we ASK for it.

But NOT about our poorly executed ANYTHING, on a Public Forum of Our =
Peers.... when we did not request it. That can be big time hurt. I did =
that on Clayart once. Several years ago. Didn't mean much by it ... =
respected the person about whom I wrote ... just joined the chorus of =
comments unthinkingly ... I probably simply wanted to write something =
witty to this newly discovered wonderful List.... I learned a lesson =
this actually very fine potter wrote me off list and told me how much it =
hurt to have such a "clever, memorable retort" made about her/him IN =
FRONT OF his/her PEERS. I've mouthed off since. Sometimes I've =
regretted it; sometimes I haven't ... but when I've regretted it, I've =
said so publicly and privately. That's not much, but it's something.....

Vince explained once to someone who hadn't quite figured out the list =
and how to best navigate its many shoals .. so that we're upfront and =
honest but don't go out of our way to compromise someone ELSE's =
integrity in a vain attempt to shore up our own ........ Vince explained =
that claybuds may become defensive about critical statements aimed at =
longtime list participants ... because we know the Body of Work, =
including claywork and post contributions made over several years. We =
permit written transgressions to go by unnoted because we KNOW of the =
numerous instances when the writer has proven himself worthy of our =
defense. Vince probably doesn't recall this incident. I DO because he =
was defending me when I was being particularly dumb and tasteless.

In the Mojave ...... recognizing that this is rather convoluted but =
somehow fits what I want to say....