Kenneth J. Nowicki on thu 7 mar 02
Hi Lois and fellow Clayarters,
I've enjoyed reading everyone's response to Stephanie's question "So what are
YOU up to?"... and have thought about answering myself... but have hesitated
to do so... because it is not very exciting. You see... my answer would be
more like... "Nothing." (this is the point where you die-hard clayheads may
want to hit the "delete" key, as this more relates to the time-management
struggles of a parent/clay artist)
Lois said:
> Getting a big tattoo on my back. Watching my 8 month old learn to
> crawl. Working on kindergarten for my 5 year old next fall. Keeping
> the house organized while my husband commutes to Philadelphia. What
> do all these bits and pieces have to do with pots? Everything. My
> work is my life and my life is my work. What I am as a person makes
> me what I am as a potter.
As a stay-at-home-Dad with my youngest boy who is 2 yrs old in nursery
school, and my oldest boy who is 3.5 yrs old who is home with me full time...
I wonder how Lois (or anyone else on this list who is raising young children)
manage to juggle their time schedule to fit everything in and still have time
for your pottery? My hat is off to you, because I'm having a heck of a time
with it all. Granted, my situation may be a little different... but still...
I'd love to find a way in which I can balance it all.
My situation is this:
Wife works full time in Manhattan, commutes daily by train from Long
Island... leaves around 7 AM, gets home oftentimes as late as 8:15 PM
(sometimes as early as 7 PM).
Our routine is such that I am the one who basically readies the boys for the
day, changing diapers, dressing, making sure their teeth get brushed, and
getting the youngest off to nursery school on time by 9 AM.
To make matters more complicated, we just moved from Southern California to
Long Island, NY a few months ago... so everything is still in disarray and
there are stacks of moving boxes that need to be unpacked everywhere, not to
mention my studio in boxes.
NY state law doesn't allow my oldest son to attend the class at school for 3
year olds unless he is "potty trained" (which he isn't yet) - therefore, he
is now home with me full time... at least for the time being. This has put an
undue burden on my daily routine and has shortened my "free" time to get
things done around here to an absolute minimum. Some days I'm lucky to get
one single hour free around here to do even the most basic functions (opening
mail, paying a few bills, getting a load of laundry done, etc.) As you can
imagine, not too many boxes are getting unpacked and put away at this rate.
After dropping off my youngest son at school, it's back to the house to make
my oldest boy some breakfast, get him fed, clean up the kitchen, etc. At this
point, this is the prime shot I have at sneaking downstairs to my basement
office and attempting to get some things done while my son watches children's
programming on TV (PBS, Nick Jr., etc.) or I put in a favorite video of
his... occasionally I can persuade him to go up into our "play room" in the
attic and play by himself with his toys. Usually though, within 30 minutes...
he's down here at my side tugging on my arm or wanting my attention... and I
have to abandon all attempts at getting any work done.
Soon it's lunchtime and the whole process begins again... making his meal,
getting him fed, cleaning up the kitchen, changing diapers, etc... and
sometimes I am lucky enough to get him down to take a nap... but usually he
resists and sometimes I lose this battle. Many times I have to lay down near
him in order to coax him to sleep, which usually backfires in that I fall
asleep too and then wake up an hour later... tiptoe out of the room... and
sneak back downstairs to try and get some work done. At this point I may get
another 30 minutes to an hour in before he wakes up and/or it's time to go
pick up my youngest from school for the day.
Once I pick up my son from school... then I've got both little boys at home
all wound up... sometimes cranky or hungry... tugging on my leg as I try and
prepare their dinner. I get them fed, cleaned up, dishes washed... and
another diaper change... and about this time of night it's about 7PM. I look
at the clock and think to myself... "Where the hell did this day go?"
About this time, my wife comes home. I either try and get us both fed dinner,
or she gets the kids upstairs and starts their bathtime... while I prepare
dinner for us both. Sometimes we skip dinner or each fend for ourselves in
the kitchen depending on how late it is or how our days have gone. My wife
usually gets the kids to bed, unless she's traveling on business... then I do
the whole kit and ka-boodle. It isn't until about 9PM or later than I can sit
down (more like collapse) on the sofa and take a load off my feet. Many
times, this is the part of the day that I can go down into my office and get
the bills paid, or do what's necessary without being interrupted. Many
evenings I may not manage to get upstairs to bed until 1:00 sometimes 2:00 AM.
Don't get me wrong... I enjoy being a Dad... and I know that I am lucky in
many respects, as many fathers do not get a chance like I have had to bond
with their kids, especially in these early years. I enjoy spending time with
my kids, witnessing their progress and growth, and being a part of it... in
fact... I feel guilty oftentimes that I have to try and squeeze all of this
other stuff in instead of taking my son to the park, or laying down on the
floor and playing with him and his toys in the attic (I try when I can, but
it's hard).
So where is the time for my pottery? :::sigh::: There is none. Or so it
seems. I know that this "potty training" hurdle will eventually pass, and my
son will be in preschool... freeing my time up (tremendously) to hopefully
enable me to return my pottery business and setting up my new studio. But for
now... I try to be patient... and a good father.
When I read stories from people like Lois (and a few others on this list) and
how they seem to manage it all... raising young kids, running a household,
and pursuing their ceramic endeavors... it amazes me... inspires me... and
yet... makes me feel somewhat inadequate... like I am especially lame at
time-management or something. Maybe it's because I'm not a young "spring
chicken" anymore... and at 43 years old... I'm not as energetic as I once
was... nah... I have a hard time believing that has much to do with it. I
still feel pretty young for the most part... I guess it just leaves
me with the question banging in my head... "What's their secret?" ..."How do
they do it all?"
So... for the meantime... I read CM, Clay Times, and Clayart... try and stay
connected best I can. Going to NCECA next week will be a great chance to
rejuvenate my creative soul, clay spirit, and socialize with my peers. A well
needed break for certain. Hope to see many of you in the Clayart room and
chat.
Okay... therapy session over... lol.
Best wishes,
Ken
Kenneth J. Nowicki
Port Washington, NY
RakuArtist@aol.com
Carole Rishel on thu 7 mar 02
Take heart. One of these days VERY soon you'll look around and your kids=
will be moving out on their own! Enjoy the time you have for them. If =
you don't get everything done that you want - well you'll have lots of ti=
me later. The kids need you now.
God bless you!
Carole Rishel
kallahcee@msn.com
Smithville, TX =20
=20
----- Original Message -----
From: Kenneth J. Nowicki
Sent: Thursday, March 07, 2002 12:11 PM
To: CLAYART@LSV.CERAMICS.ORG
Subject: So what are YOU up to? (Time management issues?)
=20
Hi Lois and fellow Clayarters,
I've enjoyed reading everyone's response to Stephanie's question "So what=
are
YOU up to?"... and have thought about answering myself... but have hesita=
ted
to do so... because it is not very exciting. You see... my answer would b=
e
more like... "Nothing." (this is the point where you die-hard clayheads =
may
want to hit the "delete" key, as this more relates to the time-management
struggles of a parent/clay artist)
Lois said:
> Getting a big tattoo on my back. Watching my 8 month old learn to
> crawl. Working on kindergarten for my 5 year old next fall. Keeping
> the house organized while my husband commutes to Philadelphia. What
> do all these bits and pieces have to do with pots? Everything. My
> work is my life and my life is my work. What I am as a person makes
> me what I am as a potter.
As a stay-at-home-Dad with my youngest boy who is 2 yrs old in nursery
school, and my oldest boy who is 3.5 yrs old who is home with me full tim=
e...
I wonder how Lois (or anyone else on this list who is raising young child=
ren)
manage to juggle their time schedule to fit everything in and still have =
time
for your pottery? My hat is off to you, because I'm having a heck of a ti=
me
with it all. Granted, my situation may be a little different... but still=
...
I'd love to find a way in which I can balance it all.
My situation is this:
Wife works full time in Manhattan, commutes daily by train from Long
Island... leaves around 7 AM, gets home oftentimes as late as 8:15 PM
(sometimes as early as 7 PM).
Our routine is such that I am the one who basically readies the boys for =
the
day, changing diapers, dressing, making sure their teeth get brushed, and
getting the youngest off to nursery school on time by 9 AM.
To make matters more complicated, we just moved from Southern California =
to
Long Island, NY a few months ago... so everything is still in disarray an=
d
there are stacks of moving boxes that need to be unpacked everywhere, not=
to
mention my studio in boxes.
NY state law doesn't allow my oldest son to attend the class at school fo=
r 3
year olds unless he is "potty trained" (which he isn't yet) - therefore, =
he
is now home with me full time... at least for the time being. This has pu=
t an
undue burden on my daily routine and has shortened my "free" time to get
things done around here to an absolute minimum. Some days I'm lucky to ge=
t
one single hour free around here to do even the most basic functions (ope=
ning
mail, paying a few bills, getting a load of laundry done, etc.) As you ca=
n
imagine, not too many boxes are getting unpacked and put away at this rat=
e.
After dropping off my youngest son at school, it's back to the house to m=
ake
my oldest boy some breakfast, get him fed, clean up the kitchen, etc. At =
this
point, this is the prime shot I have at sneaking downstairs to my basemen=
t
office and attempting to get some things done while my son watches childr=
en's
programming on TV (PBS, Nick Jr., etc.) or I put in a favorite video of
his... occasionally I can persuade him to go up into our "play room" in t=
he
attic and play by himself with his toys. Usually though, within 30 minute=
s...
he's down here at my side tugging on my arm or wanting my attention... an=
d I
have to abandon all attempts at getting any work done.
Soon it's lunchtime and the whole process begins again... making his meal=
,
getting him fed, cleaning up the kitchen, changing diapers, etc... and
sometimes I am lucky enough to get him down to take a nap... but usually =
he
resists and sometimes I lose this battle. Many times I have to lay down n=
ear
him in order to coax him to sleep, which usually backfires in that I fall
asleep too and then wake up an hour later... tiptoe out of the room... an=
d
sneak back downstairs to try and get some work done. At this point I may =
get
another 30 minutes to an hour in before he wakes up and/or it's time to g=
o
pick up my youngest from school for the day.
Once I pick up my son from school... then I've got both little boys at ho=
me
all wound up... sometimes cranky or hungry... tugging on my leg as I try =
and
prepare their dinner. I get them fed, cleaned up, dishes washed... and
another diaper change... and about this time of night it's about 7PM. I l=
ook
at the clock and think to myself... "Where the hell did this day go?"
About this time, my wife comes home. I either try and get us both fed din=
ner,
or she gets the kids upstairs and starts their bathtime... while I prepar=
e
dinner for us both. Sometimes we skip dinner or each fend for ourselves i=
n
the kitchen depending on how late it is or how our days have gone. My wif=
e
usually gets the kids to bed, unless she's traveling on business... then =
I do
the whole kit and ka-boodle. It isn't until about 9PM or later than I can=
sit
down (more like collapse) on the sofa and take a load off my feet. Many
times, this is the part of the day that I can go down into my office and =
get
the bills paid, or do what's necessary without being interrupted. Many
evenings I may not manage to get upstairs to bed until 1:00 sometimes 2:0=
0 AM.
Don't get me wrong... I enjoy being a Dad... and I know that I am lucky i=
n
many respects, as many fathers do not get a chance like I have had to bon=
d
with their kids, especially in these early years. I enjoy spending time w=
ith
my kids, witnessing their progress and growth, and being a part of it... =
in
fact... I feel guilty oftentimes that I have to try and squeeze all of th=
is
other stuff in instead of taking my son to the park, or laying down on th=
e
floor and playing with him and his toys in the attic (I try when I can, b=
ut
it's hard).
So where is the time for my pottery? :::sigh::: There is none. Or so it
seems. I know that this "potty training" hurdle will eventually pass, and=
my
son will be in preschool... freeing my time up (tremendously) to hopefull=
y
enable me to return my pottery business and setting up my new studio. But=
for
now... I try to be patient... and a good father.
When I read stories from people like Lois (and a few others on this list)=
and
how they seem to manage it all... raising young kids, running a household=
,
and pursuing their ceramic endeavors... it amazes me... inspires me... an=
d
yet... makes me feel somewhat inadequate... like I am especially lame at
time-management or something. Maybe it's because I'm not a young "spring
chicken" anymore... and at 43 years old... I'm not as energetic as I once
was... nah... I have a hard time believing that has much to do with it. I
still feel pretty young for the most part... I guess it just leav=
es
me with the question banging in my head... "What's their secret?" ..."How=
do
they do it all?"
So... for the meantime... I read CM, Clay Times, and Clayart... try and s=
tay
connected best I can. Going to NCECA next week will be a great chance to
rejuvenate my creative soul, clay spirit, and socialize with my peers. A =
well
needed break for certain. Hope to see many of you in the Clayart room and
chat.
Okay... therapy session over... lol.
Best wishes,
Ken
Kenneth J. Nowicki
Port Washington, NY
RakuArtist@aol.com
_________________________________________________________________________=
_____
Send postings to clayart@lsv.ceramics.org
You may look at the archives for the list or change your subscription
settings from http://www.ceramics.org/clayart/
Moderator of the list is Mel Jacobson who may be reached at melpots@pclin=
k.com.
Martin Howard on fri 8 mar 02
Kenneth says with their kids, especially in these early years. >
He knows how important those years are.
I didn't do that.
Now I have 1 son out of 4 children. The others don't want any form of
contact with me. The grandchildren are also kept away. No contact.
How I envy you the chance to really bond with those little ones, instead of
concentrating on work all the time.
For me, the children's pottery parties and doing pottery at the local
primary school is a great joy.
So many of those children regard me as a sort of grandfather figure. Great.
But that doesn't really compensate for lost bonding time with my own family.
Martin Howard
Webbs Cottage Pottery
Woolpits Road, Great Saling
BRAINTREE, Essex CM7 5DZ
01371 850 423
martin@webbscottage.co.uk
http://www.webbscottage.co.uk
Updated 3rd March 2002
Alexis Yildir on fri 8 mar 02
I am usually happy to lurk, but thought that since Ken and I are in
similar situations, I could empathize with him and let him know what works
for me. (I would like to mention that like Nikki, I have been 'saved' by the
flylady at www.flylady.net . My sink is shining and life is good.) My little
guy is just over three now and I'll be the first to admit that he is good at
spending time doing his own thing as long as he can see me. So daycare,
pre-school and off-site babysitting are out and frankly, that's fine by me
because he is the best company. And though my husband has an insane schedule
that doesn't really give him much time at home, he has always been there one
night a week for me to go to my pottery class. Recently, we have changed
that to Saturday afternoons but it means I get 2.5 hours a week. I also have
a young girl come to the house for two hours a week so that I can throw
without him getting into the wheel. And in the summer, I juggled a schedule
with three girls to throw about three mornings a week - it was just fabulous
to have the regular time with it. Because I am always in the house, I'm not
too worried about their youth, but I set guidelines like no going into the
backyard (we have a pool and I never go there - just too dangerous and
crazy-making). He has learned alot from his sitters and is pretty fond of
some of them.
When it come to getting things done around the house, that turns out to
be the best deal of all because since he learned how to stand on two feet,
he has been fascinated with the idea of helping. He is the biggest help
with baking ( one of my favourite jobs) but is also good at polishing and
vacuuming. He is just reaching the stage where he can help change the
bedding by unzipping the duvet cover while I do everything else and then
zipping it up while I do a bit of laundry folding. He loves to load the
washing machine and he's starting to learn how to pick out socks - he'll
soon be able to match them and then he'll move on to folding. I did go
through a patch (day one to about 18 mos) where he cried when he heard loud
noises like the vacuum ( some excuse, my husband grumbled) but housework is
fun in his book. He loves shoveling snow (lucky us, that's a must for
tomorrow morning) and can hardly wait to get his hands on the lawn mower.
I must say that the few hours I get to spend with clay have helped me
keep a balanced outlook on life - but if someone offered me full-time access
to a studio with all the toys, in exchange for the time I spend with my guy,
I would not be able to accept. He'll be grown up and busy with his own
passions all too soon.
Thank you all for your clay wisdom and life knowledge.
Alexis
Carol Tripp on fri 8 mar 02
Ken wrote, in part:
>
>So where is the time for my pottery? :::sigh::: There is none. Or so it
>seems. I know that this "potty training" hurdle will eventually pass, and
>my
>son will be in preschool... freeing my time up (tremendously) to hopefully
>enable me to return my pottery business and setting up my new studio. But
>for
>now... I try to be patient... and a good father.
>
>When I read stories from people like Lois (and a few others on this list)
>and
>how they seem to manage it all... raising young kids, running a household,
>and pursuing their ceramic endeavors... it amazes me... inspires me... and
>yet... makes me feel somewhat inadequate... like I am especially lame at
>time-management or something. Maybe it's because I'm not a young "spring
>chicken" anymore... and at 43 years old... I'm not as energetic as I once
>was... nah... I have a hard time believing that has much to do with it. I
>still feel pretty young for the most part... I guess it just leaves
>me with the question banging in my head... "What's their secret?" ..."How
>do
>they do it all?"
>
>So... for the meantime... I read CM, Clay Times, and Clayart... try and
>stay
>connected best I can. Going to NCECA next week will be a great chance to
>rejuvenate my creative soul, clay spirit, and socialize with my peers. A
>well
>needed break for certain. Hope to see many of you in the Clayart room and
>chat.
>
>Okay... therapy session over... lol.
>
Well, Ken, I think you might read some Erma Bombeck. Just update the
articles by inserting "father" for "mother". She'll make you laugh.
Aside from that, you are living what I call the running-between-the
raindrops sort of life. Trying to fit pottery in is tough. It takes so
much time and is so engrossing that one can forget all the other things one
must do. Staying up late is not an option for us "older" parents, at least
it isn't for me. I'd turn permanently into my evil twin sister (!). You
have a little ones needing all your time. I have two chronically ill
children needing mine. Even when they are at school, every phone call could
be the one to COME NOW. Sometimes all I get to do is glaze chemistry on the
computer because I have to stay clean and be ready in a second.
So, let's count our blessings and have you thought of doing some intricate
handbuilding on a tray in the bathroom where the potty training will take
place? You'll be spending alot of time in there...
All the best,
Carol
PS I'm serious about the Erma Bombeck idea - I've been reading a collection
of her articles called Forever Erma and it is good and, importantly, each
article takes about 2 minutes max to read.
_________________________________________________________________
Join the world’s largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail.
http://www.hotmail.com
Marta Matray Gloviczki on fri 8 mar 02
Martin Howard wrote:
>Now I have 1 son out of 4 children. The others don't want any form of
>contact with me. The grandchildren are also kept away. No contact.
i am so sorry, Martin!
make a pot for every one of them, send them their way, so they will know
you are thinking of them... forget bad feelings... life is too short!
take care,
marta
Wood Jeanne on fri 8 mar 02
Hi Ken and other Pottery Parents,
Many of us have been in a similar situation.
This was my partial solution. It worked for me because
my studio is close to my house.
When my kids were small during the summers and
weekends I hired a high school or college kid to come
to my house for about 5-6 hours to take care of them.
I even got a Early Childhood Major once, she was
great!
I was about 50 ft. away in my studio so could come in
to breastfeed the baby (not a problem for you ;-)).
With my studio that close I could see they were being
well cared for, and they got to play all day with
someone rather than playing in between Mom checking
the kiln etc.
Those were great days.
My kids have, or are soon to, leave home for College.
I am a little melancholy about that, but knowing how
excited and prepared they are to begin their new lives
makes me happy.
Cheers and good luck,
Jeanne W.
p.s. The oldest is a conceptual artist and one of
these days I plan on putting up a spirited defense of
his VERY MEANINGFUL work. An unpopular stance on this
list.
snip:
> As a stay-at-home-Dad with my youngest boy who is 2
> yrs old in nursery
> school, and my oldest boy who is 3.5 yrs old who is
> home with me full time...
> I wonder how Lois (or anyone else on this list who
> is raising young children)
> manage to juggle their time schedule to fit
> everything in and still have time
> for your pottery?
__________________________________________________
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Nikki Simmons on fri 8 mar 02
This message is for Ken and anyone else who can't seem to get anything
pottery done...
Before my daughter was born, I had a full time job AND was apprenticing with
a potter and doing all the other crazy stuff I love like teaching
rappelling. My daughter is born and I couldn't even get my teeth brushed in
the morning. My husband and I, thinking that since I was home now, I could
do all the housework that we had previously shared. I cannot accurately
describe the chaos that ensued. Not only did my teeth not get brushed, but
the laundry, dishes, bill paying did not get done. However, I did manage to
change/wash the diapers and breastfeed the baby. Thank God.
My sanity has been saved by the flylady. www.flylady.net
This woman has a great information on how to incorporate routines into your
day so that life is always chaos (can't have anyone over syndrome). And
showing you how to do things in short time intervals so that things get done
over time.
The biggest way this has helped me is that I finally realized throwing one
pot a day is better than zero pots a day. That is 365 pots a year!
So what have I been up to lately? I am getting my life in order so that I
can make at least one pot a day. To do that, as of this morning my
husband and I have committed to remove at least one half of the contents of
our house/garage by May and we are donating it to the La Leche League
Fundraiser Rummage Sale. When all that stuff is gone I will have time for
pots, room for making clay. I can't wait!!!
Sincerely,
Nikki Simmons
nsimmons@mid-mo.net
Russellville, Missouri
Judith Frederick on sat 9 mar 02
>When I read stories from people like Lois (and a few others on this list) and
>how they seem to manage it all... raising young kids, running a household,
>and pursuing their ceramic endeavors... it amazes me... inspires me... and
>yet... makes me feel somewhat inadequate... like I am especially lame at
>time-management or something. Maybe it's because I'm not a young "spring
>chicken" anymore... and at 43 years old
No way that your are inadequate. You have your hands full. Raising the kids and running the house is no easy feat. You are managing your time as well as you possibly can with young children (IMHO) as this age is very demanding. Running the house us a full time job in itself. Just keep in touch with your creativity and the time will eventually find you and you will probably be immensly successfull. All that creativity will come pouring out sooner or later. When it does, you'll be great. Hang in there and enjoy the kids while they are young. They grow up too fast.
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomarrow For children grow up, we learn to our sorrow So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep For I'm rocking my babies and babies don't keep.
Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: Click Here
Roland Beevor on mon 11 mar 02
Like Alixis, "I thought that since Ken and I are in
similar situations, I could empathize with him ...
a young girl come to the house for two hours a week so that I can throw
without him getting into the wheel. And in the summer, I juggled a schedule
with three girls to throw about three mornings a week ..."
In the cultural backwater of rural Northumberland I could see this being
really difficult (actually I meant that seriously, I can always find girls
to throw about). There are men around us looking after their young
children, but it is unusual for them to be involved in any sort of child
care network or casual arrangement. People who have just moved find it
especially difficult, I think. How do you get out and meet people?
There are always other people around who have the same set of problems which
can be reduced by acting cooperatively. Are you warm outgoing Americans any
better than us at finding them?
Roly Beevor
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