Patti Yager on fri 5 apr 02
When the child labelling, school thread started I read the posts with
increasing discomfort. You see, I was one of those 'gifted' students whom my
teachers wished to promote into a higher class because they believed my lack
of interest was due to boredom with the slow pace required for the 'average'
students. My days were spent staring out the window!, reading a book under my
desk and daydreaming. School psychologists did IQ tests & were amazed at my
ability to repeat back to them a list with as many as 15 numbers in
it-forwards & backwards. I was 8 or 9. My parents & teachers told me daily I
could get 'all A's without even trying so why don't you try?' They just
couldn't believe that I was trying but couldn't keep my mind on what I was
doing for any length of time. I came to believe I was an imposter. Not really
as smart as they all thought I was. Somehow I was fooling them all. But they
were all sure I was going to become a scientist or astronaut or doctor.
There was these other kids, David Storey & Sandy Clark who did get all A's,
and I asked them how they did it. They always did the homework, even when it
was the same stuff as the day before. I couldn't do that. Could do it the
first time. Generally scored high on tests. Just couldn't do things over &
over.
The more my parents & teachers pushed the worse I felt. I developed nervous
habits. Plucked out my eyebrows. Lost weight. Had no friends, no confidence.
Depression.
The one class I really loved was art. Whatever I did there was ok. No
pressure. Just fun. Especially the papier mache. That's the closest I came to
clay until my first ceramics course at U of Ill.
School went from bad to worse for me. I flunked the 9th grade because I
didn't do the homework even though I aced all my exams. Quit school & got
married at 16. Divorced. Depression. Studied drafting and started doing CAD
work. Depression. Married. University for agriculture but couldn't finish.
Depression. Divorced. Bought a farm & built two hydroponic greenhouses. Cad
work. Married. Aircraft design.Depression.
Pottery. Life was good! Aircraft design. Depression! Barn fire. Seperation.
Aircraft design. Depression.
On top of it all I come from an ADD family. For my whole life I've been
trying to figure out what's wrong with me, why I've been such a failure at my
chosen career. Why I suffer from migraines and depression. My last meltdown
was at Christmas. I lost my cognitive processes and short term memory so I
can't design airplane parts. Cost me my job. But I'm in Delaware, near the
beach, and the place where I rent a room has a wee building where I can make &
sell pots. I have a kiln, a wheel and Ron & Johns book, which came to me
through Clay it Forward. (When I was younger I wouldn't take help that was
offered much less seek it!) I have Sabie, a production potter, who has made
it on her own, raising 2 kids on her pottery & is now teaching me. I have
determination. Some people call me stubborn but it's kept me alive. I have
this list which I've been reading since about 1996 with a couple of short
interruptions
And thanks to the many wonderful people on this list the tears I shed as I
write this are tears of relief as I realize, finally, that there is really
nothing wrong with me. I am just an artist and always have been.
Mudpatti
artist
Bob Pulley on fri 5 apr 02
Very powerful post. Thanks for writing it. We are such complex animals
and while I wrote a post in support of public schools and stand by what
I said, but because the public schools are trying to serve everyone with
limited resources the experience is sort of one size fits all despite
the varieties of individuals going through them. I'm sorry to hear you
have had such a rough time and hope you are finding a home in clay and
creativity.
Bob Pulley
>>> Yagerp@CS.COM 04/05/02 12:58PM >>>
When the child labelling, school thread started I read the posts with
increasing discomfort. You see, I was one of those 'gifted' students
whom my
teachers wished to promote into a higher class because they believed my
lack
of interest was due to boredom with the slow pace required for the
'average'
students. My days were spent staring out the window!, reading a book
under my
desk and daydreaming. School psychologists did IQ tests & were amazed
at my
ability to repeat back to them a list with as many as 15 numbers in
it-forwards & backwards. I was 8 or 9. My parents & teachers told me
daily I
could get 'all A's without even trying so why don't you try?' They
just
couldn't believe that I was trying but couldn't keep my mind on what I
was
doing for any length of time. I came to believe I was an imposter. Not
really
as smart as they all thought I was. Somehow I was fooling them all. But
they
were all sure I was going to become a scientist or astronaut or
doctor.
There was these other kids, David Storey & Sandy Clark who did get all
A's,
and I asked them how they did it. They always did the homework, even
when it
was the same stuff as the day before. I couldn't do that. Could do it
the
first time. Generally scored high on tests. Just couldn't do things
over &
over.
The more my parents & teachers pushed the worse I felt. I developed
nervous
habits. Plucked out my eyebrows. Lost weight. Had no friends, no
confidence.
Depression.
The one class I really loved was art. Whatever I did there was ok. No
pressure. Just fun. Especially the papier mache. That's the closest I
came to
clay until my first ceramics course at U of Ill.
School went from bad to worse for me. I flunked the 9th grade because
I
didn't do the homework even though I aced all my exams. Quit school &
got
married at 16. Divorced. Depression. Studied drafting and started doing
CAD
work. Depression. Married. University for agriculture but couldn't
finish.
Depression. Divorced. Bought a farm & built two hydroponic greenhouses.
Cad
work. Married. Aircraft design.Depression.
Pottery. Life was good! Aircraft design. Depression! Barn fire.
Seperation.
Aircraft design. Depression.
On top of it all I come from an ADD family. For my whole life I've
been
trying to figure out what's wrong with me, why I've been such a failure
at my
chosen career. Why I suffer from migraines and depression. My last
meltdown
was at Christmas. I lost my cognitive processes and short term memory
so I
can't design airplane parts. Cost me my job. But I'm in Delaware, near
the
beach, and the place where I rent a room has a wee building where I can
make &
sell pots. I have a kiln, a wheel and Ron & Johns book, which came to
me
through Clay it Forward. (When I was younger I wouldn't take help that
was
offered much less seek it!) I have Sabie, a production potter, who has
made
it on her own, raising 2 kids on her pottery & is now teaching me. I
have
determination. Some people call me stubborn but it's kept me alive. I
have
this list which I've been reading since about 1996 with a couple of
short
interruptions
And thanks to the many wonderful people on this list the tears I shed
as I
write this are tears of relief as I realize, finally, that there is
really
nothing wrong with me. I am just an artist and always have been.
Mudpatti
artist
______________________________________________________________________________
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You may look at the archives for the list or change your subscription
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Ruth on fri 5 apr 02
I havn't been reading this thread all the way through so I can't comment on
what has gone before. Mudpatti's subject line caught my attention as I
scanned through. I read, and I cried, I was reading about myself. Mudpatti
you have showed me myself. Thank you for another piece in the puzzle of
self-acceptance and self-love.
Truthy
artist
-----Original Message-----
From: Ceramic Arts Discussion List [mailto:CLAYART@LSV.CERAMICS.ORG]On
Behalf Of Patti Yager
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 12:59 PM
To: CLAYART@LSV.CERAMICS.ORG
Subject: Nothing wrong with me,I'm an artist, thank you list-long
When the child labelling, school thread started I read the posts with
increasing discomfort. You see, I was one of those 'gifted' students whom my
teachers wished to promote into a higher class because they believed my lack
of interest was due to boredom with the slow pace required for the 'average'
students. My days were spent staring out the window!, reading a book under
my
desk and daydreaming. School psychologists did IQ tests & were amazed at my
ability to repeat back to them a list with as many as 15 numbers in
it-forwards & backwards. I was 8 or 9. My parents & teachers told me daily I
could get 'all A's without even trying so why don't you try?' They just
couldn't believe that I was trying but couldn't keep my mind on what I was
doing for any length of time. I came to believe I was an imposter. Not
really
as smart as they all thought I was. Somehow I was fooling them all. But they
were all sure I was going to become a scientist or astronaut or doctor.
There was these other kids, David Storey & Sandy Clark who did get all A's,
and I asked them how they did it. They always did the homework, even when it
was the same stuff as the day before. I couldn't do that. Could do it the
first time. Generally scored high on tests. Just couldn't do things over &
over.
The more my parents & teachers pushed the worse I felt. I developed nervous
habits. Plucked out my eyebrows. Lost weight. Had no friends, no confidence.
Depression.
The one class I really loved was art. Whatever I did there was ok. No
pressure. Just fun. Especially the papier mache. That's the closest I came
to
clay until my first ceramics course at U of Ill.
School went from bad to worse for me. I flunked the 9th grade because I
didn't do the homework even though I aced all my exams. Quit school & got
married at 16. Divorced. Depression. Studied drafting and started doing CAD
work. Depression. Married. University for agriculture but couldn't finish.
Depression. Divorced. Bought a farm & built two hydroponic greenhouses. Cad
work. Married. Aircraft design.Depression.
Pottery. Life was good! Aircraft design. Depression! Barn fire. Seperation.
Aircraft design. Depression.
On top of it all I come from an ADD family. For my whole life I've been
trying to figure out what's wrong with me, why I've been such a failure at
my
chosen career. Why I suffer from migraines and depression. My last meltdown
was at Christmas. I lost my cognitive processes and short term memory so I
can't design airplane parts. Cost me my job. But I'm in Delaware, near the
beach, and the place where I rent a room has a wee building where I can make
&
sell pots. I have a kiln, a wheel and Ron & Johns book, which came to me
through Clay it Forward. (When I was younger I wouldn't take help that was
offered much less seek it!) I have Sabie, a production potter, who has made
it on her own, raising 2 kids on her pottery & is now teaching me. I have
determination. Some people call me stubborn but it's kept me alive. I have
this list which I've been reading since about 1996 with a couple of short
interruptions
And thanks to the many wonderful people on this list the tears I shed as I
write this are tears of relief as I realize, finally, that there is really
nothing wrong with me. I am just an artist and always have been.
Mudpatti
artist
____________________________________________________________________________
__
Send postings to clayart@lsv.ceramics.org
You may look at the archives for the list or change your subscription
settings from http://www.ceramics.org/clayart/
Moderator of the list is Mel Jacobson who may be reached at
melpots@pclink.com.
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