Peter and Samantha Tomich on wed 29 jan 03
-----Original Message-----
From: Peter and Samantha Tomich [mailto:peter.sam@verizon.net]
Sent: Monday, January 27, 2003 8:16 PM
To: 'lisa.h@rcn.com'
Subject: RE: Is it just me? (hating my work) LONG
Dear Lisa,
From the standpoint of going through therapy myself, studying to be an art
therapist and being an artist, I hope I can add something meaningful to this
discussion. You say you have taken the path of copying nature. If you have
the talent and can copy it - then you have it all sewn up, so to speak. No
emotional investment deeper than will others like the piece I have chosen to
represent and my representation of it. But when you go for an expression of
your innermost feelings you are putting a whole lot more of yourself out
there for judgement. There is a whole vast area of vulnerability. Will
people understand me, like me, reject ME.... not just the work itself. And
it's easy to take the frontal attack and destroy the work so there is no
evidence of your vulnerability, your humanity. You hate the sight of the
thing, and so maybe even the fact that there has to be a journey into self
awareness at all brings up resentment. Let me suggest that this journey
though it liberates you, it also disgusts you. I just want to be me in the
here and now and putting up with having to deal with unraveling all that has
come before me that makes me who I am is complicated, depressing, repulsive
at times, and absolutely freeing. But the fact is, although you can't see
it, it often shows in the work. Sometimes, when you are in a muddle, all of
your work is in a muddle, and not worth a damn to anyone to look at, and
sometimes when you are in transition, your work shows a serious bent of
transition and can be inspirational to all who see it but you. You may only
see the pains of childbirth of bringing it about and want no more to do with
it. I say leave it alone and let it see the light of day and let others be
challenged by it, ask for feedback, it may be your best work yet. You say
other people have reacted positively to it. I have destroyed a great body of
my own work because I couldn't trust anyone else's opinion and I am a
perfectioanist and now I am sorrier for it. I am not saying to let your
standards down, just let yourself trust someone you know knows your work and
knows art and let them help you see while your vision is clouded by your
pulling up through the muck. I had been working on the weirdest intaglio
print about problems I had as a 3 year old... it was weird and I didn't like
it, but after much encouragement I entered it in a competition and won 3rd
place! It had more life and real emotion in it than much of my previous work
even though no one would ever know what it was about but me. I like it now
after holding onto it for years. But I can't sell it, nor does it hang in my
house. It sits on my web page and in my portfolio. When you drink your cheap
white wine at your reception drink to your accomplishments, many of which
you haven't yet realized.
Best Regards, Sam
Samantha Tomich
Waikoloa, Hawaii
peter.sam@verizon.net
http://s_a_m.tripod.com/pottery.html
-----Original Message-----
From: Clayart [mailto:CLAYART@LSV.CERAMICS.ORG]On Behalf Of Harrington
Sent: Monday, January 27, 2003 2:11 PM
To: CLAYART@LSV.CERAMICS.ORG
Subject: Is it just me? (hating my work)
I know most of you out there work primarily in ceramics, but we are all
artists, so maybe some can relate to my quandry. I work mostly
figuratively with the intention of casting rather than firing, though
sometimes I fire too. After a break of many years I've finally started
sculpting again, and I'm going gang-busters. Only now, after a lot of
therapy, I've decided I might try to actually express myself in art
rather than just copying nature. My work is still very much based on the
model, but I'm using poses that mean something to me beyond what the
model looks like. In other words, the work is now much more personal.
Well, I just got my first really personal sculpture back from the
foundry, and they did a great job. The only thing is, now I almost hate
the sight of the thing! When I was working on it, and when I last saw it
in clay, I was really happy with it. Now, I look at it and it no longer
has any meaning for me. I don't relate to it any more. If I saw it in a
gallery I would pass it by, or maybe even be put off by it. Also, I've
become very critical of the execution, not just the theme. I almost want
to erase my signature. Other people have reacted positively to it,
especially my psychiatrist who thinks I'm doing something very healing.
How will I ever have a show and be proud to drink cheap white wine at my
opening if I don't even want to own up to my work? (this is not the
first time I've wanted to repudiate what I once thought was good art).
Does anybody else feel this way? Is it normal? It makes me think of
having food poisoning as a metaphor. You want more than anything to get
that bad stuff out of you, and you go through agony to do it, but when
it comes out it's the last thing on earth you ever want to see again!
Lisa
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