primalmommy on wed 12 mar 03
Guys, I've been asked to "simulcast" tonight's one act play in the
clayart room for those of us who are home... I wish I was there,
tonight, but the arrival of my stay-at-home exchange mug at suppertime
was a cheerful thing...
Anyway, the performance in San Diego is a reading of the PBJ post I sent
to clayart a while back... performed by volunteers and by some of the
more obvious clayarters themselves ;0)
It's only afternoon in San Diego but we who are east of there will be
sound asleep by the time the party starts, so I'm sending this along
now...
Here we go!
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Clayart Digest # 392860
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Message 1
From: newbie@clayart.com
I am thinking about making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for
lunch. Please advise.
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Message 2
From: vpitempkin@clayart.com
Peanut butter should be ball milled for 17 hours and 32 minutes, then
evaporated to a specifc gravity of 92.7 exactly. After lightly sanding
the surface of the bread with drywall sanding net,apply the peanut
butter in three very thin layers to the upper surface of the bottom
slice of bread and smooth with a 3 inch rubber spatula.
Various applications of jelly and jam will yield different results.
Contact me off list if you'd like me to send you the complete schematic
for a hand designed ball mill, or a steam powered toaster designed to
provide heavy reduction in the last few minutes of toasting. It's
patently obvious that other methods of preparation produce an inferior
sandwich.
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Message 3
From: regular@clayart.com
Peanut butter and Jelly is the only sandwich worth making. I have been
living on PBJ for ten years now, with great success.
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Message 4
From: PPA@clayart.com
I can't imagine why anyone would voluntarily make a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich. It's tiresome, irresponsible, and the end result is less
attractive than the sardines with onions that real potters prefer. Wake
up and smell the sardines.
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Message 5
From: whybother@clayart.com
I buy the peanut butter and jelly already mixed together in the jar at
Kroger. I don't know what it's made of but it's good. You can also order
them ready made from the deli, in a little styro box with a bag of
chips, for $5 each.
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Message 6
From: purist@clayart.com
It doesn't matter what you put on the bread, as long as it has a
workable bread body. You need to mix your own bread by hand, mixing the
dry ingredients first (wear a flour mask). I have been making my own
bread with my own recipes all my life, and today's sandwich makers have
no idea what making a sandwich is all about.
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Message 7
From: bythebox@clayart.com
I got a bad loaf of Taystee bread, it was the honey oatmeal kind and it
had big chunks of hard stuff all the way through. When I put it in the
toaster, parts of it didn't toast at all and other parts caught fire. I
called the 800 number and they said to send them some of the toast, but
what do I do with the rest of this loaf of bread?
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Message 8
From: vivelafrance@clayart.com
Attached please find the MSDS data for peanut butter. Life threatening
peanut allergies would require the use of an airtight kevlar suit,
asbestos gloves and enclosed oxygen-tank breathing system. By no means
should these substances be ingested, or breathed as airborn particles.
(Attachment)
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Message 9
From: europotter@clayart.com
Can someone please explain to me what PBJ stands for? What is a Kroger?
Please remember that clayart is an international list and not everyone
lives in the continental US or speaks "American"...
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Message 10
From: taysteebread@clayart.com
I am writing to respond to a recent attack on my company. I want to
remind sandwich makers that flour is a naturally grown product and might
contain varying amounts of weevils, microscopic molds and other
variations that are beyond our control. We recommend that buyers test a
slice of bread before committing to an entire meal.
The loaf in question was tested at the bakery and passed with flying
colors. The fault was in the toasting methods of the individual buyer.
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Message 11
From: rantimator@clayart.com
I'd like to see some of these so called peanut butter sandwiches of
yours. I was making peanut butter sandwiches before you ever thought
about making lunch, and they are way out of your league. Why don't you
ask your rich daddy to hire you a cook to make your lunch? Be sure to
wipe the peanut butter off your mouth before you go back to kissing up
to the man. I'm going to go wash down my peanut butter with a red stripe
or two.
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Message 12
From: predictable@clayart.com
I think this topic of peanut butter sandwiches has gone on long enough.
Shouldn't the moderator do his job and stop posting this annoying
drivel?
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Message 13
From: glazegoddess@clayart.com
Here are the jelly and jam tests for Pete's strawberry, Orange
marmalade, Raspberry jam with and without seeds, Apricot Shino, and
Grape purple on both white bread and whole wheat..
(Attachment)
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Message 14
From: moderator@clayart.com
make the sandwich.
make 100 of them, and you will begin to understand how a sandwich works.
then make 100 more.
it's lunch.
Everyone has to eat.
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Message 15
From: primalblather@clayart.com
When I was a kid, my grandmother taught me to make jam from berries we
picked in the woods behind the hunting cabin up north... now I pick
berries with my little homeschooled children to mix in breastmilk yogurt
and we make organic fruit juice sweetened jam and blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
Yours, Kelly in the flatlands, where we'll have pbj today as soon as we
drop off 7 loaves of fresh whole wheat bread at the soup kitchens and
blah blah blah blah blah....
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Message 16
From: glazeguru@clayart.com
Glazegoddess, according to my calculations your blackberry recipe is a
little too high in the proportion of sugar to pectin. It seems it would
run off the sides of the sandwich, and might be unstable with an acidic
bread such as sourdough buns. I'm sending a revised recipe that might
give better results. (Attachment)
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Message 17
From: fedup@clayart.com
This subject has been covered on clayart exhaustively in the past. If
you'd check the archives under "lunch options" you wouldn't have to
waste everybody's time.
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Message 18
From: Txjunkyard@clayart.com
I have made servicable butter knives for spreading purposes out of road
signs, cut out with a metal saw and filed to the appropriate shapes. I
don't use a knife myself, having built a peanut butter extruder out of
the shock absorbers of a 57 chevy truck. I have found that making toast
is nicest if you use a wood fired toaster.
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Message 19
From: TxRed@clayart.com
Peanut butter and jelly is a fine sandwich. Go ahead and try it, and let
us know how it turns out.
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Message 20
From: mustlightenup@clayart.com
I really don't think this is an appropriate conversation for a public
forum. All this discussion of buns and kissing up seems completely
unnecessary. What if a kindergarten class were to read clayart and find
all this debauchery? Really, moderator, this has gone far enough.
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Message 20
From: redherring@clayart.com
The issue of sandwiches and lunchmaking is not as simple as it may
sound. For some people, peanut butter is a deadly toxin; others with
diabetes can not enjoy the jellies and jams you all seem to take for
granted. It is high time we in this country recognize the plot on the
part of the food industry to poison our planet and its inhabitants with
dangerous and sub-standard nutritive substances, all in the name of
marketing and the almighty dollar. When will the world wake up and
recognize that sustainably harvested wheatgrass juice and non
genetically modified soy products are the key to human survival in an
increasingly hostile world?
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Message 21
From: lostandfound@clayart.com
I would like to join the clayart list please. I have a white computer
with a grey keyboard, sitting on my kitchen counter in Podnik, Iowa.
Please connect me to your discussion group.
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Message 22
From: moderator@clayart.com
peanut butter and jelly is done.
time to move on.
the moderator.
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