Joyce Lee on tue 30 dec 03
Another Door Opens. ( If you prefer not to
hear self-indulgence this day, please delete.)
I'll be back in the studio on the lst day of 2004.
Basically a year away from hands on clay....
except for a quick
foray now&then in a misguided attempt to
live in two worlds at the same time...
wonder if I'll need to
re-learn what skills I'd developed.... probably go
faster in a re-learn than the original learning.=20
This year has been a remarkable, memorable
time ..... uncountable lessons learned (I hope;
sure wouldn't want to repeat some of them.)
Many joys mixed with severe and sharp pains
of sadness. Not a bad mix for shaking up the
Very Old Bod. My mind's awhirl ...... and I'm
thankful that I'm alive.
I'm glad that I was selective concerning which
advice to take in handling my initiation into
widowhood (I don't like that label but "single"
doesn't work either).... I didn't go on a tour to=20
holidays, as many friends suggested.......
Thanksgiving, Christmas, dead
sister's birthday, mother's death day on Christmas
day, my birthday, #1's birthday ... all occurred
during this past 38 days. Hawaii, Alaska,
Yosemite would not have helped...... maybe
postponed a bit...... but I find that distractions
aren't the way to go for me. (If they are for you,
and that's a way to fill your life, I hope you
can find what you need..... just not for me.)
For me, remaining on the desert scrub, reflecting,
being sad, "hunkering down" as Mel did in his
time of great sorrow, sorting the house..... making
it My home, instead of Our home ..... is
working. No shrines here. Lots of residual
love, but no shrines.
Two more days . then caring for the house
will have to
fit into the crevices of my days&nights. For now,
I'm taking the advice of a clayarter bud to
"get off your ass and get to work." He's
Grandson-in-law has entered my life (massive
door opening!!) .... along with pregnant surrogate
mother granddaughter soon to be an RN ...
hallelujah! she's doing well ..... they're
coming up from San Diego to repair and
refine my home. He's pergoed the kitchen as
well as painting ..... will do the laundry room
(long an embarrassing Catch-All) this
weekend .... says to make a list and he'll
tend to it all in time. Son, who lives in
town, spends so much
time taking care of my chores that I finally
released him back to his own life ..... but
he's continuing to spend one day a week
wandering this long neglected scrub ... doing
what he can to re-organize and help.
Did I mention that I am one lucky duck ....
several Seriously Slammed&StuckShut doors
have opened; I'm now removing the
hinges .... and making decisions that
please and free me ...... decisions that
wouldn't have worked for Us, but suit Me
perfectly...... at my advanced age, I=20
seem to be Finding
Myself ... who'd thunk it? Unfortunately,
I'm all over the place ...... or maybe that
is more fortunate than not .......
I'd trade it all...... you know that..... but this
feels very good. As with many of you, I've
never lived alone ..... from my parents,
to dorm, to
marriage .... maybe my Present isn't grand=20
enough to be considered
"a journey," but it's at least a fork in the road.
No more sad songs. You've been wonderful.....
In the Mojave where it rained again this
morning, is foggy (rare!!) in the desert,
snow is on the Sierras outside my front
window, and life does indeed go on.......
the doves croaking their mournful coos
and woos, sound like Rain Crows in
Kentucky ...... the westie has had
enough...... charging out in her "get
outta my space,'" tail up style..... totally
unaware that her height is not