primalmommy on mon 19 dec 05
I was afraid to be a poet as a teen because I was convinced it had to
end like it did for Sylvia Plath, or Edgar Allen Poe, or all the others.
It's why I took up pottery. No lie.
I was afraid for my brother to succeed as a musician because I was sure
it meant rehab and ruin, like Jim Morrison or
name-the-crash-and-burn-star.
It is dangerous to perpetuate the notion that creativity is madness, and
that the road to mental health lies in the artless life, the mundane,
the logical, the straight line. It frightens away some who might have
been artists, and encourages some creatives to play out the self
fulfilling prophecy.
Our culture loves the story, holds it ou tlike a cautionary tale.
Biography takes the lifetime of a writer, skips the decades of healthy
marriage, normal life and creative productivity, and then spends three
chapters on a depression in mid life or the despair after a great loss,
as if thrilled to dig up the old cause-and-effect we're expecting.
There is no doubt in my mind that the most interesting views come from
those traveling farthest from the beaten path -- whether it's mental
illness or great adventures or bookish imagination that takes them
there. But I would bet that if we all sat together and shared stories
about people in another profession -- say, drywallers, or postal workers
-- we could weave the same tapestry for ourselves, hold up the ones who
were addicted or unbalanced or suicidal or whatever. We just wouldn't
cherish it as a romanticized inevitablility.
And may the fates protect us all from fame beyond our allotted 15
minutes. I am guilty of driving an hour through snow to sit in an empty
studio waiting for Voulkous to stagger in late and drunk. I got his
autograph. I have rubbed shoulders with some famous people in my life's
adventures, and am sad to say that I cut them undeserved slack for bad
behavior that I would not tolerate from anyone who had less heroic
stature in my eyes.
It seems that too much time in the limelight can throw a "star" into a
full fledged tantrum, adult style, the same as a three year old who
needs to be reassured that the rules are still the rules, and that
somebody will make you stop it, because they care. Nobody can.
None of us will get through the journey of this life without walking
through the dark places, losing our bearings, plumbing the murky depths
along the way. People react oddly to topics like this because they have
been there and want to talk about it, or they have been there and want
to forget about it, or they are scared shitless of the whole thing and
want it to go away. It's not mental illness that's the myth, it's the
idea that any one of us is permanently sane and balanced and calm and
happy.
Depression is awful but it can give you a few more colors in your paint
box. There is beauty in darkness. Last night a small predator broke into
my henhouse and killed my best hen, apparently finishing the job on the
snowy henhouse roof. This morning half a dozen bright crimson icicles
hung from the roof edge sparkling in the sun, horrific and lovely. Dark.
And beauty.
I am holding my breath for the solstice,like every year -- for the sun
to return, the bitter cold to wane, the bees to wake, the garden to
catalogs start arriving in the mail. I try hard to "be here now" --
appreciate the wood stove and hot soup and kids in warm pajamas -- but I
am tired of the dark, of the cold in my studio making my forearms
ache...
Mental health: We all have our seasons. Some don't vary much, a gentle
cycle of winter and summer. Some go from balmy to major hurricanes, or
like our Alaskan potters, from one long day to one long night. The best
we can do as artists and as humans is to be gentle with each other. And
like the bowl says that Marty Morgan sent me:
Be useful. Be hopeful. Be grateful. Be present.
Happy Holidays, all, and bright blessings.
Kelly in Ohio
_______________________________________________________________
Get the FREE email that has everyone talking at http://www.mail2world.com
Unlimited Email Storage – POP3 – Calendar – SMS – Translator – Much More!
| |
|
