primalmommy on tue 6 jun 06
On the Averill side of my family, the highest compliment was, "You're a
good worker". When the patriarch of the family saw the station wagons
roll in for a weekend at the cottage, he stood with a mile-long list of
what needed to be raked, weeded, planted, repaired, scrubbed or painted.
The two sons (who had competed all their lives to determine who was the
better worker) unloaded the children, and lined us up to prove to the
Uber-Averill that we had been well raised with the ability to work hard.
It's probably genetic. I have the drumstick-calves and peasant-wife
biceps of my Anglo-Germanic ancestors. I come (on that side) from German
stonecutters, who emigrated to Petersburg, Michigan, worked hard, and
ended up owning the hotel, the tavern and half the town. (My grandmother
and her sister went to EMU (then Michigan Normal College) to become
country school teachers in 1916.)
Friends have written me off list saying "You go, girl" and "You can do
it". But like Tony says, you can be anything on line, and people give me
way more credit than is due.
I am not organized. My house looks like someone turned it upside down
and shook it. So does my studio. I will sit down, on a whim, and compose
a clayart post, make clay candlesticks or decoupage a cupboard door,
when there is nothing for dinner, the bills haven't been paid, the
laundry mines are knee deep and nobody has clean underwear. I start off
to do one project and find another and then another, and by the end of
the day none of them are completed. I just keep going and eventually
something, somewhere gets done.
I am a good worker. I am a good worker. I have been told that over and
over, it rings like a bell and reassures me. I heard it Sunday when I
took turns with my dad, running the big Stihl chainsaw and stuffing an
entire mulberry tree's branches into a chipper to mulch my
flower-and-tomato beds. Dad grinned, watching me stuff a tangled, 20
foot grapevine snarl into the chipper. ("That grapevine really pissed me
off," I told him after. "Yeah", he said, "but I noticed you weren't
going to let it win.")
I'm a good worker. It's been my mantra these last few days, when the
reality of starting an MFA makes me, in turn, excited and confident,
then terrified, nauseous and full of self doubt. The more Diana tells me
about who my fellow grads students will be, the more I am excited and
intimidated at once. I am a good worker, I am a good worker, I am a good
worker.
I log on the website and find that I have to go here for a parking pass
and there for my student ID, file this form and that, and a lot of other
stuff I have not thought about since 1988/my MA. Apparently if I were
younger and more tech-savvy I would know what it means that I can use
the flexibility of RSS to customize my portal, and download my, um,
something-or-other into my PDA (if I had one). I am a good worker, I am
a good worker, I am a good worker.
Mel says he knew a year ago that I was going to EMU. Jeff laughed when I
read it to him because I didn't know I was going, myself, until a month
ago. But mel is a good listener, a good advisor. When he was in town
last year and came to dinner, all I had was a litany of reasons why I
could never do the tempting MFA -- not now, no way. We can't afford it,
it's too far, it's not practical, no time, my kids are still little and
I am unwilling to put them in school.
But one by one, every "I can't" that I threw in the air, Diana shot down
like clay skeet over the bean field. The last clay pigeon fell and his
decision happened at the last minute, so fast that I barely had time to
get cold feet. (Deadlines, shmedlines.)
Some of you may know this, but the apparently mild mannered Diana
Pancioli is a tenacious cross between a bulldozer and somebody's
hard-headed Italian aunt on steroids. I have a feeling she accomplishes
a lot of her goals by cornering administrators in their offices and
keeping at them until they surrender. (It's an approach my Averill
family would approve of. If we had a family crest, the motto would be
some Latin version of "Get the Job Done".) I'm impressed, and a little
afraid of her ;0)
Maybe I will finish the program and hang the MFA over my stove and that
will be that. But I am aware that (as I told a pal) my talk is bigger
than my pots, and I need to catch up. I am a good worker but I have a
lot to learn. I could wait for when "the time is right" -- I will have
years to myself in a decade, when my littlest is off on her own -- but
life just doesn't work that way sometimes.
Ken reminded me of one of my favorite sayings: "Life is short, but it's
wide." I spent my last workshop at ACC with Josh DeWeese, kind of
tormented by the "tease" of packing my year's worth of clay-energy into
that one narrow week. I was aching to be one of the grad students, torn
between my family and my passion to move forward faster, more, now.
I remember when the young fireballs were flinging themselves off the 30
foot stone cliff into the reservoir, and I climbed up, curious to see
how it looked from there, what their view must be... trying to imagine
their nerve, and the faith that if they leaped, the "net" of cool water
would appear (and not some unseen underwater outcropping of rock, some
spine-shattering bad landing or unforeseen horror.)
One of the guys -- I think it was Wesley Smith -- yelled up from the
water, "If you think too hard, you'll never do it." Hmmm, funny, I
thought, they think I came up here to jump. I turned to plod back down
the wooded path to the shore and then -- without thinking -- spun, and
ran off the edge.
The very second my feet left terra firma I changed my mind -- wanted to
climb back up the air like Wile E. Coyote -- but it was too late. That
feeling in my stomach of sheer thrill and terror and irreversibility, as
I hung suspended 30 feet up --
that's how my stomach feels now.
I'm a good worker, I'm a good worker, I'm a good worker...
Yours
Kelly in Ohio
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Janine LaMaie on tue 6 jun 06
Kelly:
As one wishing you well, and "you go girl," I have to comment here that
even though we do not know one another, your ability to DO is evident in
your work (that I see on your website), your column (that I read in Clay
Times), the faith that many others (whom I respect and who DO know you)
express here, the escapades with kids work and clay ovens that you retell,
etc. None of this has to do with how organized or confident you may or may
not be. The fact that you are admittedly "a good worker," reminds me of
what my son shared with me after a semester or so of design school, which
was something like, "ya know Mom, I think that with a speck of talent, and
a lot of really hard work, I have as much chance to succeed as many others
here who are immensely talented." In fact, very many of the "immensely
talented" students washed out because they couldn't cope with the hard work
(and criticism). My son (with his modest talent) is today a happy and
successful designer who gets to create very cool stuff and work with some
very cool folks. And you've probably seen the quotes I've included below.
These were shared by Steven Hill at a workshop and are my very favorites as
they apply to what we do. They are both apprapos to your situation.
Persistence
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not;
nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not;
unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is
full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are
omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the
problems of the human race. - Calvin Coolidge
Commitment
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always
ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is
one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and
splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself then
providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would
never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the
decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents,
meetings, and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would
have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now. - Goethe
I fully realize that you don't need encouragement from me, but you have my
best wishes regardless!
Janine
Tacoma, WA
Penni Stoddart on tue 6 jun 06
-----Original Message-----
From primalmommy
Friends have written me off list saying "You go, girl" and "You can do
it". But like Tony says, you can be anything on line, and people give me
way more credit than is due.
I am not organized. My house looks like someone turned it upside down
and shook it. So does my studio. I will sit down, on a whim, and compose
a clayart post, make clay candlesticks or decoupage a cupboard door,
when there is nothing for dinner, the bills haven't been paid, the
laundry mines are knee deep and nobody has clean underwear. I start off
to do one project and find another and then another, and by the end of
the day none of them are completed. I just keep going and eventually
something, somewhere gets done.
Ok Kelly,
I'll admit it on line - I was one of your cheering fans "You go girl"
I will also admit (blush blush) that I am super unorganized, messy, and
cluttered. Funny how I just always assumed you were one of those uber
housewife/mother types! What??? Primal mommy has laundry mines like me?? And
unpaid bills?? And nobody has clean underwear in her house either?? And she
has unfinished projects everywhere?? Holy Crap!!!!
Last year I HAD to be organized. I bought a new lap top. A new desk that is
MINE and a filing cabinet. Granted I did not go back to school to do an MFA
and granted my degree did not require hours spent in a studio working away.
What it did require was hours and hours sitting at a computer composing
lesson or unit plans or my thesis and hours reading texts on top of the full
time job of education assistant and the other full time job of mother.
So here is my advice.....
How long is your program??? One year or two? So for one year, you, your
kids and hubby will have to adjust. For one year, they might not get
homemade everything every day. For one year, dad has to do the child care.
For one year......
For one year you and they can do anything. Look at the pay off at the end of
it.
I had to learn to let go. Let hubby deal with the kids every weekend when I
was away at school. And know that they will all be alive when I get home
(except for that one weekend when I arrived home to find daughter panting on
the couch in the middle of her first asthma attack -who knew??).
I know that just jumped off the cliff feeling - been there, done that,
bought the t-shirt, sent the post card.
It gets easier. Really.
Penni Stoddart
(feeling tired but satisfied after another teaching day as a "real"
teacher!)
Dannon Rhudy on tue 6 jun 06
Kelly said:
.........., excited and confident,
> then terrified, nauseous and full of self doubt. The more Diana tells me
> about who my fellow grads students will be, the more I am excited and
> intimidated at once. I am a good worker, I am a good worker, I am a good
> worker.............
Well, Kelly, being a "good worker" is the enormous
advantage you will have over most the other students. Most
of them will NOT be good workers. And almost none
will work as dementedly as you will, because most will not
be in your situation, pressured by family responsibility,
budget woes, desire to get the most possible for the
time and money spent, and fear of flying. Er, fear of failing.
When I decided to get a second degree, I was starting
in the art department with no experience in any of the arts. No
drawing, no painting, no clay, no sculpture, no printmaking.
I actually thought that the other students had been "artists"
all their lives. Some had been, but only a few. I did not
know the vocabulary, had to look up words like "medium"
and "polychrome" in the arts dictionary, just to follow
the instructions of the teachers. My major asset was that
I was -you guessed it- a good worker. I happened to
be infatuated with what I was doing, and fully aware of
my fortunate opportunity, so I was nearly an obsessed
worker. I had one (painting)
teacher who told me not to worry whether or not I had
"talent". I took his excellent advice, did the assigned work
times 5 or 10, enjoyed it all, went to grad school, did the
same. It'll all work out, whatever happens. Life is like that.
New roads are exciting. My only advice to you is not any
you will take, but I'll still give it: keep your studio clean.
Reasonably, at least. More work will get done. I swear.
regards
Dannon Rhudy
Gay Judson on tue 6 jun 06
Kelly, I, too, am happy for you in your new endeavor! You'll shine,
I know. I am wondering what happens with the kids schooling? In my
mind, that was the biggest hurtle. Will they get a taste of public
school or have you found another alternative? In any event you've
given them a great start and this new situation will just add to their
life experiences with a rich family life supporting from behind!
Congratulations and good luck!
Gay Judson in San Antonio, TX
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